I have gone through several problems in my life and now I think life
sucks. It is so frustrating. I used to think that is good, it meant a
world of happiness to me. But now, here I am: thinking that the world
should better end, or I should die. There were many factors that
contributed to my depression and which destroyed the happiness that used
to live in me.
One day when I came home from school, I got onto the computer and went
online on yahoo, that I saw my dad coming. He said he needed to just
check something and will be in a min. so I got off and went to my room
to do something while waiting. Then when I got out, my dad looked at me
and said “who are all these people you got on your messenger? Are they
all your friends?” I was scared, my body dropped into a sudden heat
while I said, “yes”
Than he said, “do you know them all? Why do you need these many people? Who is this guy? Why have you put you picture here?”
I did not know what to say. He was mumbling something to himself. I went
back to my room and in my bed, pulled on the blanked and tried to
resist the pressure that was getting on my mood, making me angry. I
tried to fall asleep.
I woke up by my mum’s calling, “Get up!”. It was night time. I got out
of my room and saw that my dad was still on the computer. “Girls don’t
put their pictures on here.” “for goodness sake I wanted to smash this
girl’s face in when I saw this.” he said loud to my mum.
I went back to my room again. After few minutes, my sister came in and
told me that dad had to talk to me. So I got out, and went to see him
with my mum. They were talking about me. I could hear them when I was in
my room.
My dad and I started the conversation politely and I said that they were
those some from facebook and some my friends overseas. But he didn’t
believe me, he said you don’t have that many friends. I tried to explain
to him, “Facebook is for *******, gangsters and other shits.” I said
nothing, even though I knew that he himself has Facebook.
I was trying to explain who those people on my contact list were, but he
was arguing, not believing me. I became angry and kept on same thing
over and over, “they are! I never talk to those I don’t know. I swear to
God I don’t talk to strangers. I swear!” . But then suddenly he got off
his seat and violently attacked me. He pushed me, hit me hard on the
head, punched me in the face. He beat me up very hard. Then a minute
later, I was there against the wall, crying loudly, saying that, “you
did this to me before, last year.”. My mum had just watched, and I
believe that as a bystander, she should have intervened.
I never forget that night. Now whenever I remember it, I become sad, I
cry . Even one day at school, I suddenly remembered it and tried to
control myself and not to cry. But it was just few drops of tears.
I cried a lot . I had never cried as much as I cried that night. I spent
the next few days in bed in my room. Lying down,and crying and crying. I
didn’t eat anything during those days and was starving. Not that none
of my family cared, they did. My mum would tell my sis to take the food
to me. But I just wouldn’t eat. I just wanted to die…
last year, when i wanted to change school, my dad thought that i was
mental. he took me to a psychiatrist. they forced me to say what it was.
jeez! nothing was wrong with me. i was alright. but then the
psychiatrist gave me tablets to take. i took them for a year. but
whenever i argued with my sisters, they would say "you are just mental."
i would say "im not" and then again they would say, "well, mum and dad
said so."
It was then that i started to become depressed. i started to realize
that what i am, is not what my parents think of me. my life started to
change, i became more depressed. i became more sensitive. sometimes my
parents would say, "you should better die than do nothing". it was only
because i was too lazy to do the housing stuff. I thought a lot about
how my parents think of me, how they think wrong but never had chance to
prove that i'm not what they think of me. they dont know me. im a
complete loser! :'(
they think i get bullied at school. but they are wrong, i have never got
bullied, never get bullied and never bully. they think im a coward. I'm
just a marginalized kid by my parents in my opinion.
Still, i think they are nice. they are good parents. they are still caring....:-7
no one ever knows how it's been so hard for me and how hard it is for me
to remember the bitterness of my life. i'm only a teenager
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